I’m writing this entry from an old stone house on the grounds of a Trappistine Monastery. I am living with four other women writers (not the nuns) on a six day writing retreat lead by Rae Bird. Our days are filled with hours of writing and hiking on the 500 acres of exquisite rolling hillsides surrounded by cows and silence. I learned today that bulls are territorial of their cows, so don’t walk too close! He snorted and gave me a warning charge–enough to stop my heart and give me something exciting to write about.
In the evenings, we meet to read our entries to each other for feedback. It sounds so simple yet much needed by women.
I know a writing retreat may not be possible for everyone, but I think more happiness and clarity can be created by writing about our hopes and dreams, our doubts and fears. Writing or journaling can be like moving the 800 pound gorilla off our chest. Sometimes we just have things to say, but either no one is there to listen, or we don’t want anyone else to know what we’re thinking and feeling. In that way, writing is cathartic, but it can also be a means of collecting our family history.
I’m suggesting that each day be a mini-retreat when we begin writing our thoughts and memories, not necessarily for publication but just so that our unique history & stories are made permanent. Write about how you feel, who you’ve loved (and hated), your thoughts on politics, traveling, foods you love, children you raised or didn’t raise, how you spend your days.
Writing To Do List:
1.) Write every day, even for 5-10 minutes for a start. Set a timer, don’t stop writing no matter what, and don’t edit. Just listen to the voice inside and write.
2.) Create a memoir folder on your computer or in spiral notebooks as you collect your family history pieces.
3.) Form a writing group. Write and then read to each other.
4.) Read books that help you tell your soul’s story: I recommend Writing Down the Bones (about free writing) and Old Friend From Far Away (about writing memoir) by Natalie Goldberg. Writing from Life by Susan W. Albert will also give you a jumpstart in telling your stories.
5.) Read blogs about writing well, such as Write to Done
I’d love to hear any ideas that have helped you write.
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
In my recent presentation at a women’s conference, I emphasized how cultural beliefs affect women on such a deep level, that they can be insidious. Often, we don’t even know that we are participating in that limitation or conditioning. It’s similar to the barracuda that was placed in a fish tank with smaller fish. He could’ve had a great meal, except that the scientists conducting the experiment had placed a clear divider in the tank to separate the barracuda from his enemies. After hitting his head on the clear divider over time, the scientists removed it. Guess what! Right, the barracuda repeatedly swam to the same spot , and would not go past where the barrier ‘used to be’. He was conditioned in the same way many of us are, often unknowingly.
In light of what I was teaching, I was thrilled to hear one of the main keynote speakers share how limiting beliefs about women in academia affected her in the 1970′s (and how she overcame them). Sally Mason is the new president at the University of Iowa. When she began her higher education, she had wanted to become a field biologist, but her male advisor said women can only be in the laboratory, not in the field, so that’s what she did. When she decided at one point that she would get her masters degree in biology, similar advise was given. Women don’t finish getting their masters degrees. Now, I know that perhaps there was some truth to that, HOWEVER, does that mean that NO woman should pursue advanced degrees, even if it hadn’t been done much before– like the barracuda? We’ve come a long way from the limiting beliefs about the capabilities of women but there is more road to cover. We can start with our own personal journey. The number of female college presidents has more than doubled since the mid-1980s. 24 percent of all newly hired presidents were women, but many are presidents of 2-year colleges.
Have you broken through the conditioned barriers in your mind? Are there any thoughts you are believing such as “I won’t be successful because it hasn’t happened yet?”
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
As a woman who owns her own business, I am constantly in support of organizations and businesses for such a cause. One powerful organization is: The Women Business Owners Network (WBON), a Vermont-based association of over 320 women business owners. WBON is the largest non-profit women business owner membership organization in Northern New England. They work on bringing together business owners and organizations that support women in business while also creating a forum for women to connect, share and grow their business.
I recently found their new blog which helps to create opportunities for members to exchange information and resources through regional Chapter meetings, conferences, and tradeshows. I believe women thrive when we connect with each other, and provide each other with inspiration and the power to keep growing.
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
Through coaching and teaching, I have compiled a list of common limiting beliefs that women have shared with me. I thought you might want to take a look. Check any statements that resonate with you. Are you willing to ask yourself a few questions to change your beliefs and change your life?
___1. I’m not enough (e.g., good, educated, thin, young, smart, rich enough).
___2. I need to make others happy so I won’t be rejected.
___3. I can’t be happy until he/she changes.
___4. I have to earn other people’s approval to feel good about myself.
___5. If I let people really get to know me, they won’t like me.
___6. I have to stay in the relationship because I can’t make it on my own.
___7. If I’m happy even when others are suffering, it means I don’t care.
___8. I can’t be happy until the relationship/career is different.
___9. If they really loved me, they would _________________.
___10. I need to do more and more to be worthy.
___11. I don’t know what I want.
___12. I shouldn’t put my needs before others’.
___13. I’ll never really change.
___14. I’m responsible for other people’s happiness, and they’re responsible for mine.
___15. I don’t deserve love, success, money, fame, etc.
___16. If I pursue my own interests, my relationships will suffer.
___17. I don’t have time to nurture myself.
___18. It’s too late for me to find happiness and success.
___19. If I speak my mind, I’ll be rejected.
___20. I should be farther along than I am.
___21. I’d better not be too happy, or I’ll just have farther to fall.
___22. Things will never work out for me.
___23. I shouldn’t have to ask my partner for what I want.
___24. I’m a bad/unlovable person.
___25. I need fear to motivate me and keep me in check.
___26. I’ll never make enough money.
___27. I’ll always have to struggle, while others have it easier.
___28. Whatever I’m doing, I should be doing something else.
___29. Health problems will always keep me from happiness and success.
___30. I can’t do it.
If any of these statements ring true for you, it may be time to take your destiny into your own hands by dissolving the beliefs that sabotage your success and happiness.
What is a belief? It is a perception of reality, or something you were told that you had no reason to doubt. How do you know that you have a self-defeating belief? If you are feeling some way you don’t like feeling, you are probably believing something that’s not true.
Choose one limiting belief and ask yourself these questions:
* Do I believe that?
* Why do I believe that?
* What seems true about that?
* What might concern me if that belief were gone? (What might happen that I would not like?)
These questions give you a powerful starter kit for creating happiness beyond belief. Freedom from your beliefs is life changing.
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
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