Mar
6

Laughter is the Best Medicine

LenoraBoyle on March 6th, 2008

My life’s work has been focused on helping myself and others to be happier and live an authentic life. I focus on unraveling limiting beliefs, but also on following our heart’s desires. As often as I can I follow my heart’s desire to adventure to places like India. My friend and I are taking in the sites and sounds at the market in New Delhi, India. We laughed a lot on that trip!
In addition to just feeling relaxed and at peace when we laugh, laughter can enhance our health and boost our immune system.
My daughter sent this article to me from Times Online. Author Sacha Bonsor shares: “I think we are going to learn that exposing yourself to humour will not only change mood and stress hormones but also influence serotonin levels, which are involved in the pain control system,” says Zeltzer. “That would mean that laughter could have an effect on chronic pain over time and enhance immunoreactivity, as well as helping with depression and sleep and anxiety disorders.”
Dr Berk’s tests have also found that laughter increases a type of immune cell called natural killer, or NK, cells, which go after virally infected and tumour cells.
This is really an easy and inexpensive method for all of us to stay healthy. What makes you laugh or at least smile?
Make a list!


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Feb
28

Change Your Perspective

LenoraBoyle on February 28th, 2008


This is the view my adventurous nephew had from his hang glider in Salvadore, South America before the instructor yelled at him to keep both hands tied to the instructor’s side.

We suffer because we believe we have no other options. Often our perspective on life is set in stone, but happiness is always an option.
Sometimes it’s challenging to be happy–mostly because on some level, we believe we need to be unhappy if things aren’t going our way. If we could just choose to be happy, why don’t we just do that? Basically, because we are complicated creatures. Somehow there’s a payoff in being unhappy. We get more attention, or we don’t have to be too responsible are just a few reasons. You can change your limiting beliefs that clog your perspective on life by uncovering and questioning them.

You can also make it a practice, like actor Jim Carrey, to choose to be happy. The other day on


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Feb
18

Anger in Relationships

LenoraBoyle on February 18th, 2008


We celebrate Valentine’s Day in February, so it’s a time to focus on how we relate. What we believe has everything to do with how we love. Every so often, I write an article on relationship myths. Relationship Myth #3: In order to get what I want in my relationships I need to use anger. (See Relationship Myths #1 and #2)

How do you ask for what you want in a relationship? Do you use anger, pressure, or some form of unhappiness? I hear from many of my clients that anger gives them courage and energy to progress. They go on to tell me that anger intimidates their partner, who then gives in to what they want, otherwise they are not heard. At least, this is the myth that has made deep pathways in their minds.

Anger is usually a reaction to hurt, pain, or a by-product of some limiting belief, like ‘I don’t deserve love.’ Change the meaning of your situation. And remember, no one can MAKE you feel angry.

Besides, anger can have long-term effects on your health and well-being. For instance, a person with continual episodes of anger has a five-time greater chance of dying before age 50. Anger also elevates blood pressure and increases threat of stroke, and heart disease. It can even weaken the immune system.

All forms of anger prevent us from finding solutions and keep us in the reactive mode. Whenever you start to react with anger toward your loved ones, take several deep breaths and count to 10. This will help clear your mind. Consciously stop being a ‘reactionary.’

I have found that how we define a situation, changes the impact. Therefore,our perceptions change so we can respond without anger. Clients tell me that anger helped them achieve some results because they were able to bully the other person, but at an enormous price. They felt mentally and physically trapped. It doesn’t really lead to happiness, only short-term gratification. In reality, it was not working.

I think the crucial question is, why would we not strive, nor ask, for what we wanted if we were happy? Why do we believe we need the anger to ask for what we want? In addition to taking deep breaths, questioning our reactions can bring more peace.
Since I am the question lady, one solution is to ask yourself the following questions when you’re not in the throes of the conflict.
1. If anger was there to tell me something, what might it be telling me?
2. If I believe I need it, how much anger do I need to feel? And for how long?

I’m not saying that anger needs to be removed from our repertoire of emotions, nor do I mean that we should repress our anger. Sometimes anger may be needed. It may be our fuel to blast through challenges. However, if we find ourselves resorting to anger every time things don’t go our way, we might want to explore and heal the issues behind the anger.

A few more solutions to handle anger:
1. Practice laughing more. This is a short video by Dr Sanjay Gupta of CNN Health about Laughter Yoga.
I actually heard large laughing groups outside my hotel window early every morning in New Delhi.
2. An article in the Chicago Tribune reminds us of the old advice not to go to bed angry.

How do you practice healthy relationships? How do you ask for what you want?


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Feb
18

India Surprises

LenoraBoyle on February 18th, 2008

Do you have any surprises or beliefs you discarded during your travels?
One preconceived notion and surprise I experienced during traveling took place in India. Previous to traveling with this humanitarian group, I believed I needed my western lifestyle in order to be happy—hot showers, indoor bathrooms, eating at a table, with electricity. After my first night spent in a sleeping bag under a thatched roof hut beneath a star-studded sky at the top of the world, that theory was forgotten.

I arrived in New Delhi, India 30 hours after leaving my home in the Midwest, and I had not arrived at my final destination. The smells of exhaust fumes, curry, and cow dung fires hung in the air. The noise of taxis honking was deafening.

Thankfully, we stayed at a hotel for the night to shower before continuing for another 15 hours. The leaders of our group warned us not to eat any raw food, even in the hotel, nor any kind of food from vendors on the street. Even though there are challenges in India, it’s one of the most exotic places to visit.

Early the next morning, from Delhi, we took an 8 hour bus ride to a small town closer to the Himalayan foothills, before climbing into the back of a large truck with foam on the floor. We were stuffed in between our suitcases, so we could barely move. A jeep with 2 armed men lead the way to protect us from bandits.

We traveled over roads filled with potholes and through shallow rivers where we periodically got stuck and had to climb out so the truck could be pushed out. Eventually we reached our final destination–a small village in the foothills of the Himalayan Mountains, 30 miles as the crow flies from Nepal.

Every morning at 6:30 am I’d hike for 20 minutes down the hillside to bathe in the river. When I set my shampoo container on the rocks and noticed donkey droppings, I tried not to worry or think of diseases like dysentery and tuberculosis. Hair washing was pretty chilling at that hour but by the time I walked back uphill to the camp, my hair was dry. Breakfast was cooked over the firepit and was delicious. We spread a tarp and ate on the ground.

To my surprise, I realized that these two weeks were one of the best times of my life. I felt freedom and deep peace while living an extreme opposite lifestyle from my very busy western life. Sleeping outside, washing in the river, using outdoor toilets, and watching the stars come out at night as my entertainment suited me well.

My final surprise came the day we were preparing to leave. One of the village men, who appeared to be about 30 years old, asked to meet with us. You must understand that most of the villagers had never seen Westerners before our arrival. However, this young man who did speak a little English, had left the village at some point.

His question to us: Would any of you like to become distributors for Amway?!

(Please share your preconceived notions stories with us here by clicking on ‘comments’)


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Feb
6

Experiences of a Cultural Immersion Enthusiast

LenoraBoyle on February 6th, 2008

Last week I posted information about countries that were voted ‘most happy.’ This week I’d like to open the discussion to travel. Feel free to share your travel experiences and surprises. Where in the world have you been the happiest? My friend, Jenica, is a cultural enthusiast and has created a wonderful blog called, Experiences of a Cultural Immersion Enthusiast. Most recently her featured travels were to the Middle East, a few months ago. You can see how the Western culture is seeping into other lands (for better or worse). So many times we have preconceived notions about a culture and its people. I think that is exactly why travel is the most extraordinary way to open our eyes and dissolve our judgments. What are your travel surprises?
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Jenica with the Wadi-Rum desert behind her, in Petra, Jordan.
For more information about Jenica’s Middle Eastern travels as a woman visit her blog here.


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Feb
3

Top 10 ways to be happy

LenoraBoyle on February 3rd, 2008

I noticed in Gretchen Rubin’s impressive blog, The Happiness Project that she recommended boosting your happiness by keeping a list of “Things I’ve Learned So Far” or “Secrets of Adulthood” or “Notes to Self” or whatever.

I personally keep a 3-ring binder by my bed with several lists divided by tabs. One is a Gratitude List: “What I’m grateful for”
This is a significant way to enhance your happiness because you can’t be unhappy when you are being grateful. Add small events such as birds singing and snow softly falling, in addition to the extraordinary moments like graduating from college, or giving birth to a child.

The truth is, your lists can have an impact on yourself and others just as much as any ‘expert’s’ list can. Make a list of your top 10 ways to be happy & increase your happiness quotient. You can read more details about my top 10 List that I wrote a couple years ago in an article
1. Don’t expect perfection from yourself or anyone else.
2. Accept. Stop judging.
3. Stay in the present.
4. Be grateful.
5. Decide to be happy.
6. Be self-empowered.
7. Choose how you feel.
8. Examine your beliefs.
9. Expand your options.
10. Create what you desire.

Feel free to view another list from UK researchers published in BBC
Their happiness list includes:
Nurturing a plant
Having a good laugh at least once a day
Getting physical exercise at least 3 times a week

Make a List of your own top 10 ways to be happy and share with us. It’s fun and heart expanding to actually write your own words of wisdom.


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Jan
29

Happy & Hopeful

LenoraBoyle on January 29th, 2008



For the first time in my 31 years of living in Iowa, earlier this month I participated in the Iowa Caucus, the first state to hold one for this presidential election. My husband and two children joined me. It turns out that in the past about 10% of the voters in Iowa turned out for this, but in 2008, 25% ventured out into the freezing January night to cast their votes.

I felt like I had a voice in an old fashioned town hall-like meeting, to publicly vote for my candidate. As a special bonus, for several weeks before the caucus, I was able to see many of the candidates and their spouses, as they traveled to hundreds of rural towns. I don’t know for sure that I can make a difference, but I like to believe I can.
Photobucket

What really struck me was the power of speech, and the hope of transformation. Since my life’s work is about transforming beliefs, I’m excited to see that this year’s election theme is focused on change and transformation. It gives me hope anyway.

It makes me happy. I’m beginning to write in my happiness journal 3 things I’m happy about every day. I’m adding that to my written list of daily gratitudes. What makes you happy or gives you hope?


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Jan
25

30 Self-Defeating Beliefs Common to Women

LenoraBoyle on January 25th, 2008

Through coaching and teaching, I have compiled a list of common limiting beliefs that women have shared with me. I thought you might want to take a look. Check any statements that resonate with you. Are you willing to ask yourself a few questions to change your beliefs and change your life?

___1. I’m not enough (e.g., good, educated, thin, young, smart, rich enough).

___2. I need to make others happy so I won’t be rejected.

___3. I can’t be happy until he/she changes.

___4. I have to earn other people’s approval to feel good about myself.

___5. If I let people really get to know me, they won’t like me.

___6. I have to stay in the relationship because I can’t make it on my own.

___7. If I’m happy even when others are suffering, it means I don’t care.

___8. I can’t be happy until the relationship/career is different.

___9. If they really loved me, they would _________________.

___10. I need to do more and more to be worthy.

___11. I don’t know what I want.

___12. I shouldn’t put my needs before others’.

___13. I’ll never really change.

___14. I’m responsible for other people’s happiness, and they’re responsible for mine.

___15. I don’t deserve love, success, money, fame, etc.

___16. If I pursue my own interests, my relationships will suffer.

___17. I don’t have time to nurture myself.

___18. It’s too late for me to find happiness and success.

___19. If I speak my mind, I’ll be rejected.

___20. I should be farther along than I am.

___21. I’d better not be too happy, or I’ll just have farther to fall.

___22. Things will never work out for me.

___23. I shouldn’t have to ask my partner for what I want.

___24. I’m a bad/unlovable person.

___25. I need fear to motivate me and keep me in check.

___26. I’ll never make enough money.

___27. I’ll always have to struggle, while others have it easier.

___28. Whatever I’m doing, I should be doing something else.

___29. Health problems will always keep me from happiness and success.

___30. I can’t do it.

If any of these statements ring true for you, it may be time to take your destiny into your own hands by dissolving the beliefs that sabotage your success and happiness.

What is a belief? It is a perception of reality, or something you were told that you had no reason to doubt. How do you know that you have a self-defeating belief? If you are feeling some way you don’t like feeling, you are probably believing something that’s not true.

Choose one limiting belief and ask yourself these questions:

* Do I believe that?
* Why do I believe that?
* What seems true about that?
* What might concern me if that belief were gone? (What might happen that I would not like?)

These questions give you a powerful starter kit for creating happiness beyond belief.


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Jan
20

LenoraBoyle on January 20th, 2008

Here we are already 3 weeks into the new year! I hope all of you have started on the right foot, whatever that may be. Yesterday, after yoga class, I drove an hour to spend the day watching my son and other high school students compete in Speech Competition. It was a joyous sight to see hundreds of teens singing, doing mime, or performing one act plays. I also loved the sign I saw taped to a blackboard in one of the classrooms: “No matter how far you go down the wrong road, you can always turn back.” It made me laugh because on the drive there, I had to turn around several times, only to end up re-tracing my steps, because I thought I was lost out in the middle of nowhere in Iowa. As my friend Jana, sings “I’m not lost, I’m just exploring.”

I know in my coaching work, some people don’t believe they can turn back if they took a path that now seems ‘wrong.’ In reality, we must lose our fear of being wrong. We make mistakes even though we make choices every day in the best way we can. But was it really a mistake? I like to think we often have to learn by trial and error. Each day can be a new beginning.

After the speech competition (my son is moving on to the next level), my husband and I went to a nearby Italian restaurant with friends. I’m always humbled when I think of the joy in the simple pleasures of tasty food and delightful conversation. Nothing can replace that. On the way home, I saw a wild turkey, an owl and a herd of about 25 deer in the cornfields. It’s not the Caribbean, but I was fulfilled. What simple pleasures will you enjoy in this fantastic year of 2008?


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Dec
17

LenoraBoyle on December 17th, 2007

During the month of December, in my classes and sessions, we’ve been focusing on love relationships and how beliefs affect them.

How do you answer these questions? take a moment to free write your responses.

What prevents you from having a great LOVE relationship in your life?
What do you believe about love that prevents you from having more love in your life?
What prevents you from believing you can have the love of your life?

I also wanted to share an email I recently received because I thought it might be helpful in explaining the work I do and the power of questions.

Please feel free to make comments about beliefs and relationships or ask questions.

Q & A:
Dear Lenora,

Just recently I’ve been reading about the Option Method, and was wondering if you could answer a few quick questions for me…

The philosophy behind the option method seems to be one of moral relativism. Would you agree? It says that nothing is really wrong or right, but you should simply do what you want in order to achieve happiness. It says that loving someone is about accepting them and wanting them to be happy. So if my wife cheats on me, should I simply accept that sex with another man is what she needed to be happy? Should I not expect her to feel bad, or let myself feel sad that this took place? And should I always simply do what I want, even if it means other people are hurt?

Also, the option method really pushes the idea that you choose to be happy or unhappy. It states that outside events don’t actually make you happy or unhappy. I believe that attitude does play a role in how you feel, but surely you can’t deny that certain things can cause unhappiness. If my entire family dies in a car accident, for instance, it is almost impossible to believe that I can simply choose not to be unhappy after such an event.

Thanks,
S.T.

Dear S.T,

The whole idea of acceptance is not that you allow yourself to be mistreated. It is NOT grin and bear it, nor RESIGNATION. Acceptance is a perception of reality where neither approval nor disapproval play a part. Judgments and criticisms do not motivate others to do better in a healthy way, and this puts you in the place as judge and jury. How bad do you want someone to feel so they do better? I know that guilt and unhappiness can motivate, but I think happiness and peace are more amazing motivators. Judgments have created so much hate in our world.

I think true peace comes when you are in acceptance of what is. It DOES NOT mean you are stagnant and take no action. Of course we have ideas of what is right for us. For example, I still discriminate who I spend time with. I have values that are very clear. I choose what kind of friends to spend time with, so even though I may accept someone as they are, I still can prefer not to be with them. The difference is that I don’t have to make them BAD and list all of their ‘faults.’ I can just prefer it.

You asked ‘should I not expect myself to feel sad.’ You can explore your feelings to clarify how you’re feeling and why. What is it about? As humans, we experience lots of emotions. If there’s some way you’re feeling you don’t like feeling, check it out. You may decide that it’s fine to be sad. How long and how sad? Grieving is different than having the accident make you give up for the rest of your life.

We often react to a situation by judging that it is bad, and that we believe we must feel bad. No other way to be. Is that true?

When you do what you want you probably consider many things before implementing the decision. If others will be hurt, do you still want to do it? OR would you rather not do it because you want them to feel okay? That’s still a ‘want’. I have done thousands of private sessions over the last 16 years, and so many people have stayed in a relationship or a job, because they were afraid of breaking the mold or having others be hurt by their decision. In reality, they often were hurting the other person more by staying in the job or relationship because they were miserable, and resented their loved ones or colleagues. I cannot pretend to make the decision for anyone, nor do I advise. I only ask questions to hopefully create clarity and an open heart.

The most productive way to uncover your own answers is to explore them in an Option Method dialogue session, not just discussing theoretical possibilities, but real to your life.

Blessings,

Lenora Boyle


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