To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure,
But risk must be taken,
Because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
–Leo Buscaglia
When was the last time you took a risk?
At first mention of taking risks, I think of reckless teens racing each other in their cars, or bungee jumping off a Swiss mountainside into a canyon, like my 20 year old daughter once did. They had her sign a release stating that she should not tell her mother.
But for me, now almost living for six decades, I want to take risks that require me to get out of my comfort zone at least once a week and pull away from old habits. “Breaking habits opens up millions of neurological synapses,” says happiness expert Rick Foster.
Yesterday,during the writing groupI attend, we shared what risk taking meant to us, so I will add a few snippets of their wisdom. Not surprisingly, many of us baby boomer women equated risk taking with pain.
“I think we all want to avoid pain. Change has elements of pain. We don’t choose pain but we choose an outcome. We choose to grow like growing pains.”
“I know I should exercise more but I avoid pain. I’m a wimp. I don’t want to take the risk of my feet and ankles hurting. I could swim but I don’t want my shoulders to hurt!”
“Risk taking is pushing the inside of the envelope.”
“Love creates the greatest risk of all. Not having it, not trusting it when you do have it. Pleasure and pain.
“Risks can range from a white-knuckle ride on the back of a donkey down the Grand Canyon to making that dreaded call.”
Here are a few non-bungee jumping ways to take risks:
1. Make a difficult phone call asking for what you want or having to deal with a challenging situation. Stop procrastinating.
2. Take action that is scary at least once a week. For example, you might join Toastmasters International where you can break through your fear of public speaking, and gain confidence in leadership and speaking.
3. Do something that could hurt a little. You can usually back out if the pain is too strong. But is pain bad for us? Not if it makes us happier in the long run. Again, discomfort can lead to happiness.
4. Volunteer in another state or even in another country. It’s just the stretching of our old habits that makes it seem too risky to leave the comfort zone of our warm nest. The darkness is closer to the light than we realize.
Maybe we should have a ‘freaking out’ hotline, where we can call when we’re afraid of taking a risk, and say, “Hey, you know, I just can’t do this. It’s too scary!”
And the voice on the other end just listens for a while, and then soothingly says something like, “You know, you were born to do this. You’ve waited all your life to do this.” It’s not going to hurt very much or for very long. Go ahead and jump off the diving board. It’s only a shock for a moment then start kicking and moving your arms, you know how to swim. Your nose may burn with some inhaled water, but open your eyes when you come to the surface, and it’s a whole new world.
It’s daring to live a life that realizes more of your dreams. As Leo Buscaglia said, “The greatest tragedy in life is to never have risked anything.”
When was the last time you did something daring? How did you feel afterward?
Photo credit: <a href=’http://www.123rf.com/photo_10658471_bungee-jumping-in-beautiful-nature.html’>jessmine / 123RF Stock Photo</a>
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“You have to go to this lecture on meditation next Tuesday night. My wife doesn’t want me to go,” Ralph, my fellow student whispered to me during classes at the hospital.
“What is meditation? If your wife does not want you to go, why should I?” He answered, ”It will be good for your consciousness.” I rolled my eyes, “What in the world is that?!”
That was 1973. I was 20 years old, and really had never heard of meditation. I don’t remember why I went to the talk, but I was intrigued, so I drove alone to a lecture given by a thin guy in his late 20′s . He had very clear eyes, was clean shaven, seemed very happy and wore a suit and tie. The room smelled of sandalwood incense although I did not know that’s what it was at the time.
I signed up to learn Transcendental Meditation and have practiced meditation twice a day for 38 years. I happily reported back to Ralph, but his wife still did not allow him to get involved.
As we come up to St. Patrick’s Day, celebrated on March 17, some of us think of the luck of the Irish and shamrocks. I’m not sure if it was luck, fate, or serendipity that I happened to leave college after one year, then take classes at that hospital where Ralph happened to be at the same time, but I am grateful for that moment in my life.
That moment of fate changed the trajectory of my life. I’m not sure what other path I would have followed, but I became more clear, centered, intuitive and happy. My decisions became based on following my heart. I moved to Florida which I had dreamed of doing, and once there, just happened to meet many meditators in that community.
I became more health conscious and became a vegetarian. After living in Florida for three years, I decided to finish my college degree in Iowa, where all the students and faculty meditated twice a day. My fellow students were a joy and delight to be with. We were not interested in the normal drinking party college scene, but we did have fun at dances and get togethers. Our conversations were interesting, thought-provoking and often philosophical. I’m not saying this is the best or right for everyone, but it worked for me and I am grateful for it.
I felt lucky then, and feel it now. Does that mean that everything goes my way? Not at all. I just choose to notice the serendipitous moments instead of the crappy ones.
Do you believe in luck, fate or serendipity? What are some of your ‘lucky’ moments?
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We’re Celebrating my 5 year blog birthday at: Be Happy Life Coach blog! I originally began my blog as The Happiness Zone.blogspot.com, but two years ago it morphed into BeHappyLifeCoach.com as I moved addresses from Blogspot to Word Press.
5 year old Lenora starting her coaching career at a young age. The phones were heavier back then!
For the past five years, readers have visited from small cities and large ones in countries around the world — India, Australia, Africa, Europe, all across North America and more.
I know I don’t write as frequently as the blog gurus suggest, but I’m doing what makes me happy! Which brings me to why I started writing here 5 years ago. Just wanted to share my tips, thoughts, ideas, what I’ve learned about creating an enriched life, what I now call la dolce vita, the sweet life. It’s been my life’s work, really, just called it by different names. Found myself teaching workshops for the past 28 years about marriage, parenting, happiness and changing limiting beliefs.
I began coaching 20 years ago, using the Option Method, and actually started coaching friends about their problems during high school, 40 years ago. Why? Simply to do my part in making the world and the fabulous people in it, happier and more successful.
I write about happiness but also fears, hurt, anger and other possibly unwelcome feelings. I encourage you to bring them to the table, otherwise they fester like a sore. Uncover what is bothering you, question it, see if it’s true, get the upper hand. Toss it around like a volleyball, bring it to the light of day. Realize you have more choices in your life. Dissolve limiting beliefs. Focus on your desires, and create an enriched life.
To celebrate this 5 year blog birthday, I’m doing 2 things:
1st: I’m offering a contest to win an 18″ chinese fresh water pearl necklace, with unique rectangular shapes, 9-10mm, with very high luster, and silver clasp. Deadline to enter is Monday, February 27 midnight, eastern time. Winner announced Tuesday morning, February 28 on this blog, and in person, if I have your email. So, check back in.
2nd: I’ve chosen 5 favorite blog posts from the past 5 years: Please follow the links, read (maybe comment) and enjoy!
HERE’S HOW TO ENTER the Blog Birthday necklace giveaway :
1.) Make a comment on this blog post, or any of the 5 blogposts that you click on. OR…
2.) ‘Like’ my Be Happy Life Coach Facebook fan page or make a comment on facebook.
Five favorite posts over the last five years:
ONE: BE GRATEFUL TO BE HAPPY. November 30, 2008
TWO: INTERVIEW WITH HAPPINESS AUTHOR, MARCI SHIMOFF. August 20, 2009
THREE: FRAGILE COURAGE. January 18, 2010
FOUR: MOTIVATE YOURSELF WITH DAILY AFFIRMATIONS. July 26, 2010 (fun video)
FIVE: ARE YOU AN OPTIMIST? September 1, 2011
Thanks for celebrating with me and for stopping by! Remember to enter the contest before midnight Eastern time, Monday February 27.
What would you like me to write about in future blog posts? How do you navigate through the challenges of life?
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
“When I was 5 years old, my mom always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I wrote down “happy.” They told me that I didn’t understand the assignment and I told them that they didn’t understand life.”
–John Lennon
I love this quote, and after I posted it on Facebook recently, one friend commented about being graded poorly in first grade because he didn’t color in the picture of a chicken. My friend figured that the teacher had missed the white crayon covering the chicken. He actually showed it to her and she gave him a better grade. He did understand the assignment!
Sometimes, we go through life wondering if we have missed the assignment for OUR lives. I hear it all the time during my workshops and coaching sessions. I am always amazed, though, at how we emerge from divorce, loss, or betrayal with wisdom and hope for the future. Even a small dose of optimism immunizes us from fear. Optimism is like a tincture for courage.
The world is quite a mess these days. How do we stay optimistic about the future when we are blasted with news of doom and gloom from all sectors of the globe? What I have noticed is that human beings, since the beginning of time, have moved beyond their pain to reach new heights, in spite of the seeming evidence at hand.
As I prepare to leave for Italy to lead my Third Annual Italy Retreat for Women to Live La Dolce Vita, I am thinking about optimism because recently I read an eye-opening article about optimism in Time Magazine.
The premise of the article is that we are, by nature, optimists. Surprised at first, I immediately realized from my life’s work with individuals that this is so true. The article proves that, “The scientific evidence points to the conclusion that optimism may be hardwired by evolution into the human brain.” The researchers believe that our brains are not just imprinted by the past, but are being shaped for the future.
Without optimism, my Italian born grandparents, and millions of other immigrants, would never have left behind their families behind to sail to America, without knowing what lay ahead.
If you’d like a deeper understanding of the workings of
our brains, check out the article in Time Magazine. In the meantime, know that our brains are part of our support team in life. Let’s use it, and continue to believe that life is a precious gift that we will mold into something fantastic, in spite of all odds.
Let’s give ourselves the gift of self-discovery and journey together toward optimism beyond our wildest imagination.
Years ago, I optimistically decided to teach my Option Method Workshops and travel with the course participants in Italy. And now, I am on my ay for the 3rd Annual Italy Retreat for women.
I will write my next post from Italy. Hope you can join me on my Italy Retreat to LIVE LA DOLCE VITA next year!
What has the gift of optimism brought into your life? Would love to hear from you.
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
“I gave up addictive foods, and the shadows started to wail.”
The shadows, I call limiting beliefs, your ego, or stress. They act like they are friends who resent that you are asking them to leave.
They exist to help you stay safe in your cocoon life, away from the saber tooth tigers, but I’d say those belief guys and girls just want to be in control of you, similar to the movie, The Adjustment Bureau. It was a simple movie but I thought fascinating that some bureau controlled humanity, and made adjustments to people’s minds, so they could see things more according to the BIG PLAN from the BIG GUY. Not god but the main agent, whoever that was. I say it was a metaphor for the ego, or the old belief.
| ‘The Adjustment Bureau’ Trailer |
According to the Adjustment Bureau, if anyone veered off plan, they had to be ‘adjusted’. They said that humans could not have choices because humanity has screwed up so much when they had free will, such as creating World War I and WWII, that we couldn’t be trusted.
What the movie allows us to see is the importance of choosing our lives. I say, “Let the shadows wail their tonsils out!” We have been strangled by their scrawny, dirty hands for a long time.
I invite myself, and anyone who will listen, to gently yet firmly take each finger from around your neck, and pry them away. You can breathe so much better. Your laughter takes on a new lilt. Why wouldn’t it, free of unwelcomed strangled hands. Find your OWN voice.
We can be our own Adjustment Bureau. The shadow will stop wailing, the crying will stop, the sobbing turning to silent stares.
We may just have to write a new diary of our lives, a different story line with fresh characters, those that we interviewed and chose to be on our life’s pages. They have served their time, and now death to the shadow friends! Be off with thee,arrivederci, ciao, get lost, take a hike, a presto, good riddance!
Ask yourself: “How would my life be different if I did not listen to the shadows?” ” Would I find MY voice?”
Be your own adjustment bureau. You choose. You find YOUR Truth.
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
Since my last newsletter, I have spent a wonderful month in Italy. I spent the first week teaching my annual transformational Italy Retreat for women to live la dolce vita (the sweet life) to a wonderful group of ladies! We laughed, we hiked, we ate and we created memories that will last a lifetime.
I’m now planning the September 10-18, 2011 Retreat on the Italian Riviera. You can read Three Things I Learned on My Italy Retreat” on my Italy Retreat Blog.
In this post, I’m including my thoughts from my ezine,
Are You In A War Zone?
Recently, I watched a 2007 documentary called WarDance with a friend who is from South Africa. The award-winning film was filled with vivid accounts of the kids from the Acholi tribe affected by the two-decade rebel war in northern Uganda.
I was struck with the words of wisdom from the children, which was part of their grace. In addition to the inspirational quote of the month from Hafiz, I’m including quotes from the children.
Their gift to me was a clearer insight into seeing that so many of us create war zones in our own minds and hearts.
I am not trivializing the horrors of war that these kids live through. I cannot even write the details of the atrocities they have endured, but I was still struck by the idea that those who live in peace, often have the habits of fighting wars within their own minds and hearts.
Three lessons I learned from WarDance, which as Hafiz has stated, can help all of us “come into this exquisite world to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom and light!”
1.) Remember to sing, dance and laugh. “Music is our tradition. Even war cannot take it from us.” Singing and dancing is just part of African life, on buses, in the homes and on the street. Even in the face of devastation and loss of parents and stable home life, they danced and sang. In the midst of hopelessness arrives two music and dance teachers who dared to journey across the dangerous remote war zone to reach Patonga elementary school.
Their sole purpose was to help the kids prepare to compete against over 5000 students from all of Uganda in the National Music/Dance Competition over 200 miles away in Kampala, Uganda.
2.) Believe in ourselves. “In my heart, I am more than a child of war. I am the future of our tribe.” We all belong to the tribe of the human race. “We’ve lost our sisters, mothers, fathers, but our story does not end here.”
I was in awe of their divine courage, freedom and strength of the human spirit– the power of a made up mind. One of the teachers actually had the kids practice pronouncing and repeating the word,“champion” in English. Then during the intense competition, she said one word: “mood”, “mood”, meaning ‘check your attitudes, kids!’
Besides all the obvious handicaps they had to overcome, many of the other performers at first called the Patonga Primary School kids rebels and murderers. The kids were merely victims of their circumstances but misunderstood and looked down upon.
3.) Practice and don’t give up. One child said, “I am excited to see what peace looks like.” “Even if we live in a war zone, we can do great things.” “We are still able to be the best.”
The power of a made up mind and believing they had something to offer. The WarDance that they performed will be etched into my heart forever–like the phoenix rising out of the ashes of the war zone.
During this season of transformation and holy days, may your war zones be shifted into grace zones. May you whisper, “champion” to yourself and offer your best to the awaiting world.
Have you been persistent and met with success?
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Italy has a way of soothing our souls. Sallee, one of the women who attended my Italy Retreat last year, calls it Italy Shakti.
I know Italy is not perfect, but I think George Clooney summed it up perfectly. In this article he simply said that moving to Italy has changed his life. Working hard in Hollywood, he didn’t care how his personal life was going.
When he purchased a villa in Laglio on Lake Como in northern Italy, he thought he’d be there a couple weeks a year. He soon realized how beautiful life was in Italy and it helped calm him.
I think the result of spending a week on my retreat in Italy does just that. The course participants will all agree that it ‘calmed their lives.’
Usually, the hiking trails I choose in the Cinque Terre are the tame ones. By taking a steep climb up the paths or steps you are instantly rewarded with jaw dropping beautiful scenery.
On the day we visited Riomaggiore, the southern most village of the Cinque Terre, the young women at the Tourist Information Center suggested we walk through the botanical gardens because it was a 25 minute walk and we’d end up back at the center of town, where we’d take a gelato break, and then do another 20 minutes walk on the famous Via Dell’Amore (path of love) to arrive for dinner in Manarola to watch the sunset over the Mediterranean. (Photo of the seven of us at Ristorante Marina Piccola.)
However, I forgot that when someone says something, especially in a different culture, it might have a completely different meaning to me. I love gardens and I had waited since last year to visit this botanical garden, but this was no ‘walk in the garden’. I did notice some signs describing cacti and trees by their Latin names on the concrete walking path.
However, none of us knew how difficult the trail was going to become, and then we discovered why no one else was walking it. It turned into a rocky uneven narrow trail, many times on the edge of a sheer mountainside, lots of stairs, and it was raining for part of the hike. There was a railing but it jutted out at a 30-degree angle sometimes or it was so loose you didn’t feel safe holding onto it.
One of the women in our retreat group was afraid of heights and I myself, felt a bit woozy if looked down all of the time at the sea below. Sometimes, we could see through the path to the sea below. In order to make it to the end, she had to walk sideways, face the mountainside, her back to the sea, and manage her panic.
It was breathtaking but it felt more like taking our breath away. *The top photo is taken from the height of the rocky path as we began our ascent to the center of the town toward the beach, and the last photo is near the end, so it’s much closer to sea level!
My courageous student later said that no one in her family would ever believe her when she tells them what she did. It was an epiphany for her to face her fears and her belief that she could never do this. That mountain is her metaphor for life now and her life will never be the same. For the rest of the workshop her victory was our symbol for change.
I did not plan this hike to force the course participants to face her fears. I thought it was a walk in the garden to add to our experience to live la dolce vita near the Mediterranean. My idea of facing fears is usually done in the Option Method Dialogue work that we do in the meeting room during the retreat– it’s gentle and you’re comfortably sitting in a chair! But, sometimes life gets organized for us, and we enjoy the ride.
Here’s to calming our lives and living la dolce vita (the sweet life) wherever we are!
Have you hiked the Cinque Terre trails? What is your favorite one? Want to join me next year in Italy for my Italy Retreat for women to live la dolce vita?
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
If you enjoyed reading “Eat Pray Love”, perhaps you’d like to create your own eat pray love experience with me on my Italy Retreat for Women to live la dolce vita, the sweet life. Even though the Italy Retreat this September is filled, I encourage you to make plans for the September 2011 Italy Retreat.
How can you prepare?
4 Steps:
1.) Start saving money for the trip. Have a special jar on your shelf or a travel savings account. Each week add more to your Italy jar.
2.) Create the trip in your imagination. Visualize yourself strolling along the Mediterranean, eating gelato or enjoying a spa on the Italian island of Ischia or Capri.
3.) Jump out of the duldrums and be courageous like Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat Pray Love. Check out her book if you haven’t already, and read other books about Italy throughout the year. Some of my favorite books to read about Italy can be found on my Italy Retreat blog. Just scroll to the bottom of the page.
4.) Even if you don’t create your own Eat Pray Love experience in Italy, find the moments in your life to go for more than you ever dreamed possible.
The book was a huge success and I’m sure the movie will be too (opening Friday August 13) because Elizabeth captures the joy of courageously following a dream, even though it may not be supported by others. She also reminds us that we will recover from sadness in our lives.
I love this section from the book about happiness:
“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.”
Each day think of 3 aspects to experience happiness:
EAT: I’m not promoting eating your troubles away in order to find happiness. Far from that, but part of travel in Italy naturally includes indulging in the pleasure of eating delicious food. Again, if your eat pray love adventure does not include leaving your own town, know that eating is symbolic for experiencing life’s pleasures.
PRAY: is a daily experience whether or not you are in Italy visiting an ancient church, or enjoying art, architecture, and turquoise waters that take your breath away, you will be filled with tranquility. Even if not in Italy, daily spend time in prayer, meditation, and communing with nature. I’m visiting Boulder and walking in the mountains to connect with the beauty of creation. This can be deep prayer.
LOVE: Open heart, feel deeply. Think about self-love–you will fall in love with yourself, and the possibilities that the outer beauty of Italy offers. Self-love does not have to mean narcissism, but an appreciation of your beauty and qualities. Love yourself first to be able to love others in a more accepting way.
How do you manifest eating, praying, and loving in your life?
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The Pulse of Commitment
Commitment is tangible, like the beat of your heart felt in your pulse. Have you ever had the experience of being so committed to a goal that no matter how many roadblocks you encountered, you would not give up? How do you know when to continue in the same vein or take another path? Are the roadblocks a sign that you should quit?
I can’t answer that for anyone else, but I’d advise you if you want to re-examine your commitment, to do 3 things first: First, be quiet for awhile, secondly, ask yourself questions, and lastly, listen for your answer deep in your soul.
I do know that once I was committed to applying for Italian citizenship for me and my children, I jumped through all the hoops. More than four years ago, I requested information from the U.S. Bureau of Citizenship and Immigration Services. It was two years before they even looked at my request. I was told that, every day, they get 96,000 requests.
In order for me to apply for Italian citizenship, I had to prove that my paternal grandfather was still an Italian citizen when my father was born in the United States. If he had denounced his Italian citizenship, then I could not apply.
These last four years have been an emotional roller coaster while I was researching, waiting, gathering documents, having them translated into Italian, getting gold apostilles on each document from State agencies, and waiting some more. I wanted to quit so many times.
Twelve months ago, after driving five hours to the Italian Consulate in the US, to apply, I hit another major roadblock. (more…)
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” my friend Jana asked me over a year ago. (She actually recorded a song with that same title and performs many other wonderful motivational songs). I answered, “I’d have fun in Italy and teach a women’s retreat there, but…. how would I do that?” When I asked one of my client’s the same question, he said, “I’d take more risks in my business, but… I might fail.”
Listen to the words that follow your ‘but’. They reveal your doubts and limiting beliefs. This is the pivotal point from which you take courage to leap, or at least walk through the flame of fear.
Over the years, I’ve asked people about their courage. They seemed so confident and together. Usually they say that they’re afraid but they just make themselves take the baby steps needed to do the task.
That’s why I’m inspired by what Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “We must build dikes of courage to hold back the flood of fear…”
I started skiing when I was 43 years old and I’ve never really lost the fear of speed or of getting hurt. I just do it to be social and to hang out with my friends, kids and husband. When I told my husband I was too afraid to really enjoy it, he said ‘that fear is part of the excitement and fun.’ Being afraid is not my idea of fun, but I kind of know what he means. Courage can be fragile. It does not mean being fearless.
I’m more like a reluctant adventurer in life. I ease out of my comfort zone, but contract for longer times than I expand, like a turtle who tucks her head neatly inside her shell, then sticks her neck out and moves out of the water, slowly crawling through the sand, knowing that her destiny is to lay eggs every 30 days, only to return to the sea for a month of frolicking in the warm Costa Rican waters.
I think change requires courage, maybe fragile courage. Otherwise, how could we leave our security to try something different? Like the turtle, we don’t know exactly how or if our actions will be rewarded.
The turtle doesn’t know if the eggs she lays will be taken by the locals for their dinner, or by animals on the beach, but she sees the moon beams and knows that change is calling out like a wounded friend who needs her. The strings of change pull our hearts and we swim, walk, drag our limp legs, and claw our way toward hope, waiting, wanting more and carrying the fear on our hardened shells that cover our tender hearts.
When we conjure up the notion of courage, the slow moving turtle may not be the power animal that comes to mind, but I think she’s very brave to stick her neck out and move.
What would you do this year if YOU weren’t afraid? Can you do something every week that you’re scared to do?
May your new year be filled with all possibilities as you walk through your fears!
Lenora's Italy Retreat blog | Lenora's Change Limiting Beliefs Website
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